Through the year.............

Sunday, January 20th marked one year since John went to be with Christ. I can't believe it's already been one year. It seams like so long ago and yet it feels like he was just here yesterday. Weird. This year has been filled with tears, grief, memories, blessings, love, sadness, happiness, gratefulness, anger, questioning, grace, new adventures, adjustments, life changes, answers, self explorations, strength, weakness, new family roles and so much more I can't even think of. I've been asked so many questions about this year and how I have dealt with John's death. First of all I think that so many of you are so much stronger then you give yourselves credit for. God is amazing and gives you the strength to move forward with life. When you have young kids you don't really have a choice - you don't want your kids to hurt so you do everything you can to make them not feel any pain. Of course they do, and even though it's healthy, it has been one of the hardest parts of this year.

For me personally, getting into my empty bed every night has probably been the toughest - that's when I feel lonely. I miss him a lot. Sometimes I don't feel whole. But finding out who I am again has been eye opening. God has showed me a lot of things that I didn't know about myself or that I had forgotten. That is empowering! (that sounds so Oprah!)

The greatest thing about this year has been - being loved. You don't always appreciate how many people care about you until they come together and shower you with love, prayers and concern. I hope I can be as good of daughter, sister, niece, cousin, granddaughter, and friend that you all have been to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

This weekend we just spent time together at the cabin. It was exactly what we needed. We watched the DVD of John's life together - we laughed and we cried. The little ones played outside in the snow, we did our usual trip to KMART (the only store in town), cooked, played lots of cards, watched some good movies, read, and just enjoyed being together. This was what John loved to do and loved about the cabin!

(yes that is Toby on Mandy's lap....)

go Ash!! Karyn are you okay?????

I'm glad that this year is done and all the "first" are over. Now I guess we work on battling the "seconds" and whatever the new year has to bring. God has been faithful and I know that "I can do all things through him who gives me strength!"