2 years

It's hard to believe that 2 years ago today I lost my husband. I'm always looking for reasons and trying to understand why. I know that we don't have all the answers and we are not meant to! So I try to figure out what he wants with my life - what can I do to still glorify him in this process. And here are some things I've learned:

• God is always faithful to his promises
• He will provide
• Loved ones should never be taken for granted
• Friends are gifts from god
• He is not done with me yet - I am but clay
• I have so much to be thankful for and there are people out there with far less than me
• There was so much more to me - and I'm continually growing and surprising myself
• I need to live life to it's fullest - never waste a day
• I've learned to put down my pride and accept help
• There can be joy in the pain

There is so much more but these are the things that I run across daily. I can honestly say that today I am happy, I have a good life, my kids are healthy and happy, I have a huge loving family and great friends. When life goes on - this is what I have, and I am blessed.

Today my older girls stayed home from school and we just hung out. We had a nice breakfast with my friend Tavia, then we went for a very special walk on the beach with my friend Kelly and her daughter Shelby. We had great conversations and some laughs. Later we met up with the family at the cemetery. I have a journal where I write down things that I want to remember about John - good - bad - funny, and I took this along and read some of the good things I want everyone to remember. Then everyone shared some more fun memories they had of him - I want these to stay alive in my kids hearts. We ended the night with a great dinner with family and friends - just like he would have wanted it.

After he passed away I went to move his car and this was the song that was playing in his cd player. I think it was a message to us from him or just a coincidence, whatever, it's a great song and we like to think it was written for us :)

My Wish
by Rascal Flats

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
and each road leads you where you want to go,
and if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
and if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' 'til you find the window,
if it's cold outside,
show the world the warmth of your smile,
but more than anything, more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
all the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
and you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
and always give more then you take.

But more than anything, Yeah, and more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
this is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you

may all your dreams stay big

It really was a good day, as good as a day like this gets.